Kootenay Crust

By Ian Cobb

Hello candidates for municipal, Regional District of East Kootenay and school district office. Are you nervous yet?

You should be.

There is only one month to go before the Nov. 15 civic elections.

The forums are being organized, signs are going up, press releases distributed and cautions are being thrown to the wind and tucked hard into hidden pockets in the same breath.

First off, I want everyone running for office to know you have my respect for the simple act of casting your hats into the ring. It takes a whack of guts to decide to be a community leader. And it takes a heap o’ persistence, thick skin and courage to perform the act should your constituents decide to install you in a seat that demands one’s best efforts.

For we voters demand that you work without fail and lessen our load. We demand that you solve all problems as quickly as possible. We demand that you ‘become’ a (city, district, electoral area and school district leader) and shine at all times.

Anything short of meeting those demands shall be considered failure and we shall heap scorn and spittle your way, with good doses of hooting and hollering.

And you shall, if you are a normal human being, feel that scorn and wrath, for you have not solved a decades old problem with (insert your constituency) in record time. Feh, a pox upon you!

All for retirement delaying remuneration, to boot.

Leaders must contend with such a thing and local government leaders cannot escape the home-fire-heated frying pan like federal and provincial government wussies.

It is the hardest form of politics because you’re always on. MLAs and MPs can fade into the masses in Victoria and Ottawa and control their movements, thanks to staff, within the much-larger ridings.

Cranbrook is about 20,000 souls. It’s a nice sized city (perfect IMO but I am biased), but it’s still small enough where the locally elected cannot hide nor escape when the pitchfork and torch wielding hordes come-a-calling. All the other areas are smaller and, sorry to say for those of you in Elkford, or Canal Flats or Kimberley or Fernie, you’re all smaller communities and that simply means less of a chance to hide.

Be on! Be on! Be perfect and wise and have a good answer every time some bothersome git asks you, “When you gonna fix the damned roads?” While you are fondling avocados at the grocery store.

It amazes me that any good people run for office. Over the years, I have watched local politicians become beaten down and exhausted from the constant pressure of having to be the leader (and run a business/hold a job; have a family/life). A great many of those people have my undying respect for the sacrifices they made and the shit and abuse they took. (I confess: I’ve been the one shouting the mob on, on occasion.)

It’s a tough job with a myriad of considerations and facts to consume and digest.

There should be a set of ‘commandments’ for locally elected government folks.

Let’s give ‘er a go…

The 10 Commandments of Local Office

1. Thou shalt be truly honest;

2. Thou shalt not be a single issue-flogging representative;

3. Thou shalt not murder;

4. Thou shalt not miss ANY meetings, committee, special or regular;

5. Thou shalt make Solomon seem dim;

6. Thou shalt refrain from graft;

7. Thou shalt not prattle endlessly about irrelevant topics during meetings;

8. Thou shalt realize that thou wanted it and thou got it;

9. Thou shalt work always for thine kingdom and not for re-election;

10. Thou will plunge on one’s own sword if thee hast pooped the political bed, Rob Ford-style;

If you follow that set of rules, you’ll be fine.

Oh yeah, and be nice to the media. (See commandment 10).

I’m kidding (not really).

But I do wish all the candidates in the East Kootenay the best in what will be a rapidly disappearing four weeks, all leading to a nail-biting evening that will either end in tears or the realization that you have a whole new set of social commandments to adhere to.

In the end, remember you show courage the vast majority of your fellow citizens do not possess and you have strong convictions – admirable traits both.

Win or lose, congratulations in advance. And good luck.

And to all you voters out there – make it so! Get out and vote. Go on! Get moving! The election is Nov. 15. Write that down and go bloody vote! (See commandment 8, it applies to you also.)

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