Mommy’s Weird

By Kyla Cornish

I totally know how this post is going to come off.

I am going to come across like a whiney little cow.

Perfect.

Here we go…

Recently our friends told us that they are going on a two-week holiday to Costa Rica without their kids. Their children will be staying with both sets of grandparents, who live locally.

After she told me I smiled and said, “Are you kidding me? I am sick with jealousy.”

She then confided that she wasn’t going to tell me because she knew I would be mad.

Now, let’s go back to the “whiney little cow” part of this post, I am truly happy for my friend. Yes, I am jealous. I am definitely not mad. We choose to live a gazillion miles away from our family. Usually we are happy with this decision. I mean, I am aware that if our parents did live in the same community as us, that they may not even offer to watch our kids so that we may go out for dinner, or Vegas and definitely not for two weeks to Costa Rica.

Hell, maybe we would have had an epic family fall out, that when I ran into my Mother at Walmart, she would turn down the automotive aisle to avoid me. Or even worse, not even invite us for Christmas.

The horrors.

Which brings me to this…

5 Ways You Can Help Your Friends Who Live Away From Family

1. Invite them to holiday events. Especially if they have lived in your community under five years. Please. Pretty please. Invite them. They might say no. But, just do it.

The first few years for us were super lonely. Except the one Easter we rented all the Godfather movies. That was stellar.

2. Offer to take their kids for two hours on a Saturday Afternoon.

For us it’s mostly so we can have sex. But, let’ s be polite and say its so we can paint or do some sort of home renovation.

3. Car Pool. It’s super tricky getting the kids to all their different events. Especially when they have a kid that still naps.

Selfishly for me, living in my mini van is starting to get old. Basically because it smells a bit like mold. It’s crazy scheduling kids activities, especially if you are an idiot and have over-scheduled your kids. The odd offer would give me an extra 30 minutes to watch Gilmore Girls.

4. Say, “Can I watch your kids while you have your appointment?”

I am pretty sure I have scarred Baby Bot for life. If he tells one more person that “Mommy’s Doctor poked her in the bum,” I am going to have to move to a new town. I also haven’t been for a massage in three years. Plus, having dental appointments at 7:30 a.m. totally blows. But, you do whatchya gotta do, right?

5. Lend your truck. Just once every couple of years ask them if they would like to borrow your truck so they can take some crap from their back yard to the damn dump because they look like white trash.

I am pretty sure our neighbours talk about us. Meh.

And finally; chances are if you offer to do all these things, they will probably smile and say thanks but say, “we are just fine.”

But, they will remember to do it for someone else.

P.S. If you still think I sound like a whiney cow, then you should probably make me a nice lasagne to stuff in my pie hole.

– Kyla Cornish is a “retired” radio Dj adjusting to being a Momma of two children. Main problems? Lack of sex, sleep sanity and an addiction to saucy chicken wings. Kyla has been published in a series of funny blogger ebooks, “Life Well Blogged.” She has also been recognized as one of the Top 25 Funny Moms in Canada and US by Circle of Moms. Then she was kicked out of that contest for cheating. She also won a baking competition when she was 11 at a 4-H Rally. Find Kyla here: http://www.mommysweird.com and follow on twitter @mommyisweird

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