Attachment and bonding are two key terms that are often used interchangeably. Attachment is the deep, enduring, reciprocal relationship between a child and a caregiver, beginning inutero with the mother. Bonding is how each adult in the child’s life connects with the child.

There are four types of attachment styles and children will often go between styles of attachment depending on their relationship with each caregiver.  As adults, caregivers also go between styles of attachment based on their own early experiences.  Secure attachment results in the child becoming resilient due to early positive experiences and support. A securely attached child values relationships and has a basic trust that people will always be available and supportive throughout life.  Avoidant or dismissing attachment may result in the child becoming noncompliant with little interest in parental comings and goings. Often these children have few friends and they enjoy solitary sports and activities. Anxious/ambivalent attachment which is also called ‘insecure/ambivalent or anxious/preoccupied attachment’ may result in the child being tense and whiney while also being distressed and aggressive with parental separation. These children have often suffered considerable rejection in life so they react by alienating others and by masking their desire for connection through bouts of anger. The fourth type of attachment style is ‘disorganized attachment’ resulting in children who may have unpredictable emotions and actions such as crying when they should show joy or vice versus. These children have often been severely traumatized in life or they are children living with traumatized parents who have not addressed their personal issues.

Conscious conception is the best way to begin attachment with a child and can involve parental self care prior to pregnancy and continued positive experiences during and following pregnancy. Early attachment creates the child’s imprint or template for life. Inutero is a time of nurturing and caring for some and a time of abandonment and rejection for others. An optimal inutero experience for the fetus such as healthy maternal nutrition, little stress and healthy exercise supports positive attachment with the fetus prior to birth and the child learns to cope with stress in stride. If a fetus is conceived with toxins such as alcohol and drugs or if the mother lives with chronic stress so does her fetus. This may result in the child’s nervous system being hard wired for flight or fight which can impact the child’s later relationships in school and with peers.

Families are created in varying ways such as through adoption, blended families or grandparents raising their grandchildren. As a caregiver for children we are the container for the child’s early experiences. If the caregiver is willing to listen to the child’s story then there is opportunity for the child to repair early imprinting and form trusting attachment that will continue into adulthood.

Some activities for building attachment during pregnancy are caressing and talking to the fetus or playing quiet peaceful music, reading to the fetus, avoiding stress, alcohol and drugs and finding ways to connect with supportive adults such as family and friends. Following birth attachment can continue by the caregiver talking, caressing, cuddling, touching, and holding the infant ensuring the child’s needs are met through warmth, food and gentle loving connection.  As the child continues to grow if the caregiver remains connected with the child through reading, playing games, doing arts and crafts together as well as planning regular family meal times the child will continue to flourish and form lifelong attachment with adults. Planting special trees or flowers with children as well as making family albums through using photos and scrapbooking are activities that can have a positive impact on children well into the teen years.

There are many local resources such as the Cranbrook Public Library which offers books and DVDs on attachment in children through interlibrary loan. For additional information or for a list of references for this article please contact Darcy Victor at [email protected].

Courtesy the Cranbrook Early Childhood Development Committee

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