Mommy’s Weird

By Kyla Cornish

I recently asked a friend to refer me to someone who did pedicures.

She did and then told me, “But, don’t write about her on your blog. Because she is kind of horrified that you will.”

I advised my friend to tell my new pedicure person, that I will only write about her if she says something stupid.

So, Saturday came and went and I had a wonderful pedicure.

She was a lovely woman, who did a great job and I enjoyed the experience very much.

But, sadly, she didn’t say anything stupid. I mean yes we had some stupid conversations but she didn’t say anything too stupid for me to write about on the blog. And even if she had, I probably wouldn’t have said anything because she knows about my blog.

Yup.

I am a reeeeeeeal big shot.

I miss those days sooooooooo much. The days when I could say whatever the hell I wanted about whoever the hell I wanted.

When I could make fun of my girlfriends for getting Glamour Shots as gifts for the husbands at Christmas.

When I could share that my neighbour wears his swimsuit in the shower.

When I could tell you how stupid my friends sound.

When I could tell you that I totally busted a friend having sex.

When I could tell you about how hot all the Old Mom’s are at school pick up.

When I could talk crap about the jerky Mom at the park.

When I could tell you that my friend had sex three times in one day.

There are many times that I want to tell you about the terrible service I got at the grocery store or about the jerk in the parking lot at my son’s pre school or the funny things I see at birthday parties or dance class, or at school pick up or at story time. But, I can’t. These people used be more anonymous then they are now.

Now, they are giving me pedicures and hoping to hell I don’t talk.

Please Note: I did take the above photo with her permission. But, just enough permission to post it on my Facebook and Instagram not here. For the record I hope you are following me on Instagram because I am wonderfully fun there.

– Kyla Cornish is a “retired” radio Dj adjusting to being a Momma of two children. Main problems? Lack of sex, sleep sanity and an addiction to saucy chicken wings. Kyla has been published in a series of funny blogger ebooks, “Life Well Blogged.” She has also been recognized as one of the Top 25 Funny Moms in Canada and US by Circle of Moms. Then she was kicked out of that contest for cheating. She also won a baking competition when she was 11 at a 4-H Rally. Find Kyla here: http://www.mommysweird.com and follow on twitter @mommyisweird

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